Hope is Regret
by Sadistic Panda
Summary: This is a poem combined with a story. Check it out! I would assume that its pretty different from many other fics out there. Plot: Michirus POV reviewing a discussion about Haruka...


Disclaimers: Naoko Takeuchi owns Sailor Moon and all of the characters in it. ::follows the rest of the disclaimers code in a monotonous fashion with her right hand in the air:: xx  
  
Okay. Things to know before I write this... This is a poem I wrote the other day and I was going to mix it with a story featuring Haruka and Michiru. So I can take credit for the poem. ;; Not Haruka or Michiru, but the poem. This is the first time I combine poetry with story segments, so give me a chance before you insult or sue me, will you? (This is first person in Michirus POV)  
  
Hope is Regret  
  
[You say its over  
But its really only just begun.  
Are you not my lover?  
Is it my heart you want to shun?]  
  
I collect the last trace of rosin on the tip of my bow and put the amber glue away in its case before positioning my instrument on my shoulder. Whenever I play its simply from my conscience only and not my mind. Whenever I play this precious string tool allows me to blanket myself from reality and visit that tranquil place that is my imagination, my own world.  
  
Solemnly playing a silent melody, I cant even focus on more than that beautiful face of yours. On that smile that you show only to me. But you tread with that wind so quickly that I cant even catch up. You keep me asking why, asking when I will be able to see you smile more.  
  
[You give me a great excuse,  
But you know me better than that.  
I shadow my hurt in recluse  
And defy loves handicapped acrobat.]  
  
Why do you pretend to feel nothing for me after all of those flashbacks that youve dreamt of? Im not going to push you entirely away, dont you know that? You are the eternity of my past and present life. Is your denial stronger than mine or weaker? I cant even tell anymore. You are so distant and clever. Too distant and far more clever than you can imagine.  
  
[You say it can not work.  
Can not or will not?  
Am I the worlds biggest jerk?  
Whats this new lesson Ive just now bought?]  
  
Im dipping my tune into a gentle chord just as my mind syncronizes with the deepest question of all: Are you going to run away from this? Ive tried my best to remind you of your duty. Ive tried my best to offer my heart. Do you really want to run away without me?  
  
[I wont give up on you.  
My heart beats quieter than the flaps of a dove,  
Should I be denied whats eternally true?  
Open your eyes, Im still in love.]  
  
If my eyes are closed or open right now, I cant even say. All I can see right now are my worries along with this unknown song playing on its own is my heart. I know I cant control it and neither could the past Neptune that cradled her beloved Uranus. Its one thing to try to dedicate my life to my mission, but its an entirely different thing to lie to my feelings. How long will you run without me?  
  
[Another month watching the rain,  
Another attempt to dial your number.  
Isnt there another way to block out this pain?  
As I age Im only getting younger.]  
  
You always mastered your motive for speed. You are so fast now that I cant even tell when you overlap me. Its all a dream, but even in a dream you are the wind. Maybe thats why I cant read you that clearly just yet.  
  
A sigh escapes my lips without me even realizing. How can I touch you without feeling air? When you smile, is that just my mind playing tricks on me? Or are you the culprit?  
My conscience has decided to end the solo symphony of notes. I set my violin back in its case, fully strapped and then stare at my thoughts.  
  
[You have my heart though,  
Im not going to take it back.  
Like the disguised foliage of a crow  
This love will be thick, thick and beautifully black.]  
  
Youll never accept your destiny. Youll always run away from it because you have your own quarrels with the wind. I cant interfere until you are ready. I respect you too much to interrupt that. I love you too much to ruin that.  
  
Knock knock. The door? I cover myself with a thin jacket and walk to the front of my apartment.  
  
[But no. Yet still, you do not know.  
My life, for ever vowed to spend.  
No courage left to even run low,  
Please. Once again, be my forever friend.]  
  
Even while doing seemingly simple things, I find them difficult because of the complications you bring to me.  
Finally I can see whos come to address me at my entrance outside. It is you, clad in dripping clothes. How long have you been in the rain, my love? How long have you been pointlessly running with your own words? When did you finally realize that Ive been here this whole time?  
  
"Michiru.. I need to talk to you." Haruka has nothing but desperation in her eyes as she informs me. And fear too?  
  
I pull her inside and take her jacket off, replacing it with a blanket on instinct.  
  
I trace her face once with the back of my hand and ask, "Whats on your mind?"  
  
"Look.. I know I cant outrun my purpose in life. And I know that it would destroy you too if I decided to turn away. I was only offered once to take this mission and trust me, the offer never left my mind." Haruka spoke to me with direct eye contact, she didnt want me to ignore her. And she knew that I wouldnt as I let her finish, "Theres definitely so much for me and you and this whole world if I join..again." That brought a smirk to her face and a smile to mine.  
  
"Haruka, are you sure you want to pull through with this?" I had to ask. This was a big decision to make still.  
  
Her smirk turned into a smile, "After the ground I covered to make my decision? Of course I want to, Michiru. Ill protect you, you deserve it."  
  
Hai Haruka. We both deserve it. This will be one long and challenging lifetime but as long as you can answer my questions, Ill protect you too. Lets not let the same tragedy happen to us this time around either.  
  
"So. What do you say to a cup of hot tea, Haruka-san?" I wanted to lift the heart talk. This was too soon for her probably, but I had forever to wait.  
  
Haruka gave me the most delicious look of appreciation and replied happily,"Hai."  
  
End  
  
Authors Notes: Okay. I want feed back this time. This is my first time experimenting with this concept and I need to know if I pulled it off correctly or not. Or if any of you think its a good job or a bad job. So input people! Please??  
Im very sorry that it wasnt that romantic if you were looking for that but I was trying to write about what was going on in Michirus mind when she was trying to get Haruka to join her as a senshi after they got sent to earth again.  
  
Alright.. Enough notes, right? Last thing then. Original poem written in the brackets is titled, "Please". R & R ! Ill appreciate it, I promise! ::walks away with a spatula:: Time to cook!


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